It’s kinda funny I go to bed early and rise up late, but I still feel tired.
I promise myself every day that I won’t remember you, but the next day you’re the first thing on my mind. It’s been exactly 230 days without you, days where I only exist but doesn’t live.
Just one text ruined our beautiful relationship. To this day I still kick myself why did I send this message.
You’re like a season. You come and then You become Enigma in my life.
I wish I could have stopped myself typing that message. Not a single word was spoken, not a single eye contact made and not even a single plan to solve the feud.
Did we get better at ignoring or we really moved on?
Since you left, I’ve put a mask on myself so that people can’t see my eyes drowned in the memories of yours. Every single day there is a constant battle with my brain and heart whether to text you or not.
It’s been almost seven months that hell of an incident happened. I really wish it didn’t happen. I lost you. I lost what we had. I lost my smile.
But tell me what was my fault?
Your deliberate lies, ignorance and you not picking up the calls I tried to be okay with everything you do. Because I really believed my love would be stronger than your constant falsehood. But it wasn’t. As I was the one who loved more because you measured love in days and I measured love in heartbreaks.
To say I’m not missing you would be a lie because I even miss the sound of your breath.
The memories made with you are constantly locked in my sub-conscious mind. Your love or maybe it was a mirage; it was like an arrow being shot straight into my heart, filled with a pain you can’t imagine. When you blocked me on WhatsApp, the number of ticks and my relationship with you as a friend were both single. She had a habit to go for the wrong things. Maybe this time it was me.
There is always an urge flowing in my veins to ask you, Are you fine?, How was your day? And to share my crazy secrets with you. I wish I could text you, but after seeing blank Display Picture of yours, it feels like slitting piece of glass in my own throat.
I’m sure you’ve moved on with your life to achieve your dreams like you always do. I wish I did too. But after seven months I’m still writing letters to you. A letter you won’t even probably read.
The only thing I can’t understand is how can you forget those memories so easily? The way you slapped my face in laughter, the way you make me smile, our insanity in the Mystery room, your attitude, birthday celebrations, my poems, my craziness, my dog business, and thousand other things.
Remember the last time when we were on call you said I’ll call you the next day. I’ll be waiting for that next day till my last breath. Maybe just maybe one day I will finally get rid of your memories.
Today, tear-filled with eyes, I bid you farewell.