We become dependent on people without even knowing. We seek our friends’ approval because we don’t believe in ourselves. Like a drug, we are addicted to people’s applause, comments, and motivation.
We judge our self-worth by how people respond when we do or try something new. Most of the people are afraid to start because they don’t want to be under the spotlight and be judged by others.
There is no harm in having good friends, people supporting you or motivating you. The problem is – dependency.
You can’t become so dependent on people that you start judging your value and worth by how they treat you. When I started blogging, for me my friend’s comments were like water to a thirsty soul. They always supported me but one day, not even a single friend reverted to tell me that your article was good. I use to have an unreal expectation from them.
At this very moment, I started having a conversation with myself. I can’t be dependent as they have their own issues in their life. People will leave you. My friends would be busy sometimes, they won’t meet or applaud me.
So why do I need to tie my happiness with their comments?
This inner conversation changed my whole life. I’ve to make one person happy, and that is “myself.” Applauds can destroy you!
Everybody is doing stuff for someone else, and people are so busy to make everyone happy except themselves. Do not just read this line but eat it too “You don’t need everyone you think you need.” I’ve so many friends who tell me, I have a boss who is not liking me, I have a person who doesn’t love me back, or I do great stuff, but nobody recognizes it. So what?
If you didn’t get it, you didn’t need it. Don’t just stuck there, if they don’t want to be your friend then it’s their loss, not yours.
Now, this may sound bizarre to you, but you should not rely even on your spouse and parents. Your spouse will have 80% things which you will like and 20% things that you won’t. The most common mistake is people look for another person so that they can get rid of things which they don’t like without realizing they also have 20% flaws. The key to a good relationship is acknowledging weakness and strength and give them enough space to fly. Don’t squeeze and put a restriction on them.
If your parent’s don’t encourage you do not be sad. Your parents might not motivate you, but you can motivate yourself. Don’t rely on them.
You get your power and focus back when you define your own boundaries for yourself. So set crystal clear boundaries and stick to them. If that means you leave in the middle of dinner at night because your dad said what he always says, then you leave. You don’t have to accept being treated dreadfully just because you’re related to someone. Do not sacrifice your mental health for anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Sometimes the reason why people do not give us what we need is they don’t have it. I again repeat, don’t be dependent on anyone.