Assertiveness is an attitude and way of behaving in any situation in which there is a need to express your feelings, ask for what you want and say no when you don’t want something.
A large number of people during their growing up couldn’t build an assertive stance which is why they very often find themselves in a situation where they don’t know how to fight for their rights.
Unassertive behavior implies to obey the wishes of others and thus take away your right to stand up for your own interests (i.e., submissive behavior) or to react aggressively when your interests are threatened. “Golden mean” between these two very common ways of reaction is exactly assertive behavior.
Becoming assertive means to become aware of yourself and realize your aspirations.
This knowledge is based on the idea that it is your right to ask for what you want. If you are assertive, you are aware of your rights as a human being. You respect yourself and your needs, as well as other people and their needs.
Assertive behavior is a way to develop self-confidence and to gain a greater appreciation of the people with whom you are in daily contact.
In the form of non-verbal assertive behavior.
Nonverbal assertiveness that you can pay attention when communicating with others is… watch directly at the person you are speaking. By looking at the floor or to the side, you are sending a message that you are unsure. The opposite extreme behavior “stare,” also isn’t useful because the other person may be feeling threatened.
It is also important to have an open instead of closed posture. If you’re sitting, don’t cross your legs or arms. If you stand, stand upright on two legs. Stand directly in front of the people instead of putting your side. While you communicate, don’t elude or you move away from the other person. You have to stay in place.
Remain calm. If you are angry, unleash the anger somewhere else before you try to be assertive.
Further Reading: How to Take Back Your Life When You’re Feeling Too Busy
Development of assertive sentences
In everyday life, you must have often been in a situation when you conduct one’s mind, and you restrained yourself to express your disagreement.
You’ve probably used to let the person skip you in the row in which you are waiting, whether you are a disgrace to tell someone that something bothers you, abstain from asking a question in class, it is difficult for you to express negative feelings or to ask someone for help when you need.
To deal with these situations, it is important to make a request. This is the most important step in the development of assertiveness. Simply say what you want (or don’t want) directly and openly.
Further Reading: How to be Successful in Your Early 20’s
Here are some guidelines for assertive presentation of applications:
- Use assertive non-verbal behavior as previously described. Stand up straight, make eye contact and work on how to stay calm and composed.
- Bring out the request in a simple way. It will be enough one or two sentences that are easy to understand.
- Avoid looking for more things at the same time.
- Be specific. Get exactly what you want, or the person you are talking to may misunderstand you. Use “I statements” in the form: I would like, I want, it would mean to me…
- Protest against behavior, not against personalities. When you are protesting against something, take care to protest against exactly certain behavior, not against their personality! It is important to put to knowledge (to the person) that you have a problem with what she or he is doing, but not with that what kind of person is he or she.
- Don’t apologize for your own wishes. When you want something to ask, do it directly. Say: “I would like to do …” instead of “I’m sorry, would you mind …”
- When you want to reject someone’s request, do it directly but politely. Don’t apologize or justify. Simply tell; “No thank you, no, I’m not interested …”
- Assertive behavior means to always respect the rights and dignity of another person. For this reason, assertive sentences are always in the form of application and not in the form of request.
As you can see, learning assertive behavior can be of service in a wide range of situations, from dealing with situations where the seller is very insistent on learning how to behave with a boss, business partner or love partner.