How not to give someone the power to make you feel bad? Or to get that what someone else says or does not affect you? How can be done so that the behavior of others does not alter your mood?
The first thing you need to know is that no one can make you feel bad if you don’t let him. Or, that doesn’t make you feel bad who wants, but who can. And you are the only one who can give that power to someone.
That’s right; no one has the power to upset you. You always choose how you respond to someone and if you want to get angry, to upset, stay calm or pass. And, as you know, feeling bad never going to solve anything. All that this does is embittering life.
The second thing you need to know is that no one has the right to make you feel bad. No one! Neither your father or your mother, or your boss, or your partner, or a coworker… nobody! And no matter what that person considers you have done wrong or what you think you should have done differently.
There are several things you can take to stop feeling bad about the behavior of others. And are these:
Value yourself as you deserve
When another person has the power to make you feel bad that’s a sign of a lack of self-esteem. Because, if you love, respect and value yourself, you will not let anyone make you feel the way you don’t want to feel. Give the importance to your opinion, your feelings and your way of being and don’t let anyone make you doubt in yourself. You have a right that others treat you with respect.
Stop taking it as something personal
What that person does is hers and doesn’t go with you. For example, if someone gets angry and yells that’s his. It is his problem, and it has nothing to do with how you are or how you behave.
Or if someone is very susceptible and jumps for everything is also his problem. Maybe because he needs recognition.
Or if someone needs to stay above and always have reason is also his. Maybe it’s his insecurity, his feeling of inferiority or anger with the world … The important thing is that this is his, not yours.
Realizing the needs that lie behind behaviors we don’t like is also a way to understand what happens to that person is not ours, but his.
Stop thinking that the other has done that for you that has something against you and that does it to annoy or hurt you. Because interpreting that, nourishes your discomfort and ignores all the reasons that people can have to behave like that.
Further Reading: 5 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot and Deal with Them
Realize that it is just his opinion
If another says something that doesn’t mean that he is right. No matter what someone says about you, that is just his opinion. Not the truth. That person has a right to say that, just as you have the right to remind him that he can say that, and you can say something different.
And if someone doesn’t answer to a WhatsApp that not mean you’re boring. The same as if someone makes a criticism does not mean that he is right.
So never again blame yourself for what has happened, to think that you deserve it or that it is because you did something wrong.
Do not change what you don’t want to change
When others make you feel bad, and you want that to stop happening you end up doing whatever it takes to get their recognition and to approve you. And you become who you are not to get it.
In that case, the other not only have power in your feelings but also in your behavior.
Further Reading: How to Deal with Selfish People
And, at the same time, change what is not good for you
When you get into that spiral of thinking that whenever you see the X person is going to say or will do something that will make you feel bad, without realizing that it affects your behavior and how that person perceives you. It’s like a predator that smells the fear in you and attacks. And that’s just what gives her power: to realize that you’re afraid of her.
So imagine that person is someone that you like and with whom you like to relate. Do you already have someone in mind? What would be your attitude with that person you like? How would you talk to her? Would you smile? Surely yes. That’s what it means. That, although at first, it costs you or even seems impossible, you are able to relate to someone who makes you feel bad as if you liked. I assure you that it will unhook.
Accept others as they are
To accept is to stop fighting what irritates you. It is to understand that that person doesn’t have to behave or express herself as you would. Or that her values and rules don’t have to be yours. Or that she doesn’t have to change for you to change.
You may think that you have a right to be offended by someone’s behavior, but that is only because you believe that things have to be done as you would do them. And no, it’s not.
So let it be how you want to be and decide how you want to be and feel YOU when you’re around.
Further Reading: How to Deal with Toxic Family Members
Distance yourself from toxic people
And, if you decide that you don’t want to be close, take distance. Because you have the right to decide who you want to be part of your life. Focus on the people you like and make you feel good and stay away from the others.
And if there is someone from whom you cannot walk away physically, you can always take emotional and effective distance. For example, by not telling what you know that he will not appreciate.
Never forget that it doesn’t matter how someone treats you. No matter how he throws poison at you. You decide if you will get poisoned. If you don’t use it, the venom will return to him.