Many people at some point in their lives have faced a disappointment in love and they have no choice but to overcome a break-up. On that occasion, we probably felt a lump in our throats asking the following questions: “What now?”, “Can I go on alone?”, “How could I have been so mistaken in believing that he/she loved me?”
A separation implies a sense of failure and a need to reorganize our life and even our time. We feel that we have lost our illusions for the future; it supposes a change in our “project of life”.
We want to help you deal with a separation in the best way possible following 6 steps:
Understands the causes of break-up
It is essential that we start with a reflection of what happened. For this, it is fundamental to understand the reason for the situation. You should ask yourself the following questions: “Is this the first time this happens to me?”, “Do I always choose the same relationship profile that does not suit me?”, “Am I very fussy about love?”, “Had idealized my partner and this image does not correspond to reality?”
Another idea to extract from this analysis is to realize what we need from our future partner, defects that we cannot assume and that has surely led to a rupture or virtues essential for the love relationship to work. It is important to be aware of our list of needs. So we can learn from our mistakes.
Accept the end of the relationship
It is very common to go through a phase where we deny reality: “This cannot be happening to me”. You think about the beautiful memories that you have with that person and it is difficult to face the truth: “He/she doesn´t love me anymore”. As much as you wish things to be otherwise, reality will not change.
The main difficulty in overcoming rejection of love is the acceptance of the situation and the realization that the things we believe about the loved one are not at all similar to reality and also do not agree with the ideal concept that we have about love. Recognizing that the relationship was not really as perfect as you thought or that person and you were not as happy as you thought is complicated.
Often, during the relationship, we have caught messages that we refuse to accept and, in the end, it is much worse because “those who live in illusions, die of disappointments.” The sooner you are aware of the reality, the sooner you can make the right decisions and turn the page.
Further Reading: How to Overcome Loneliness After a Breakup In 500 Words
Do not victimize yourself nor do the martyr from yourself
“Why me? I do not deserve it”. Self-pity towards ourselves can become an easy way out to relieve us of any guilt of what happened in the relationship. But it can become a ‘double-edged sword’ since the pain ‘engages’ ourselves and the suffering can be devastating.
The opposite position is also very common: “Everything is my fault”. Putting the blame on everything will not help us to overcome it and it is impossible for you to be solely responsible for the breakup. The mental state of guilt and constant self-reproach is a tremendous expenditure of energy and an internal restlessness that does not report anything positive. Love is a thing of two and therefore, if a couple has not worked, it is because both sides have made mistakes. When you accept your responsibility in the rupture, you can forgive yourself for the mistakes made.
Let your partner go
Do not insist on what cannot be. If that person does not want to be with you, let it go. It will not lead to anything good to try to keep him/her or try to manipulate him/her to stay with you.
Do not extend the pain by rereading your old emails or WhatsUp, waiting for phone calls or messages that will not arrive. Nor is it healthy to follow the footsteps of your ex-partner or see their photos through social networks.
Avoid publications on social networks by ventilating the dirty rags or the love tragedy experienced in your relationship. That never leads to anything healthy. If you are tempted to do, stay away from your accounts for a season.
Some people prefer to root their phone and choose to delete messages or photos or destroy all evidence that this boyfriend or girlfriend ever sent. If that frees you and you think it helps you, go ahead! There really does not seem to be a magic formula for overcoming sentimental failures.
Remember that closing the door to the past will allow you to open the door to the future. If you still believe that person will come back to you, you will not give yourself the opportunity to meet people or fall in love with someone who can make you happy.
Further Reading: 8 Nifty Hacks for Getting Over a Breakup
Be patient with yourself: overcoming a breakup takes time
Grief has no expiration date. We must wait for our wounds to close. To assimilate what has happened and to adapt to the new situation of separation. Be patient because you will surely have moments of a downturn. Also, you will suffer because of memories that come to your mind. But, do not rush or put a limit, since forcing the situation will only produce anxiety and restlessness.
Overcoming a separation is a process that takes time and has its phases. These are the progressive stages through which it usually happens:
- stage – Denial: “This cannot be happening to me.”
2. stage – Guilt: “I should have shown my love more.”
3. stage – Resignation: “I will not fall in love again.”
4. stage – Recovery: “I deserve someone much better.”
Do not isolate yourself from your friends and your family
We all feel we need to have someone on our side when we are having a bad time. So, locking yourself up is not the best solution. On the contrary, it is positive to talk about what concerns you with the people who appreciate you, with your family and friends. Pretending that nothing has happened is not a solution. It may seem simple in the short term, but it only serves to postpone the time to communicate to the people closest to you about the relationship failure and to create rumors around you.
So do not make excuses to justify the absence of your girlfriend or boyfriend at a company dinner or at your parents’ house. Be honest, you will see how you feel liberated and much better. Also, remember that people who love you, will not judge you, but will support you unconditionally.