Getting over a breakup is hard, but getting over someone you never dated? That’s truly challenging. You are confused and lonely and maybe even too embarrassed to talk about it with your friends. Do you even have the right to feel heartbroken, considering that they were never yours?
The hardest part when all you’ve had was a crush or quick hook-up is pulling yourself away from the “what-ifs.” What if it’s bad timing? What if they might have a change of heart? What if something might still happen?
Stop. Don’t do that to yourself. Before giving up, make sure your unrequited feelings are truly unrequited – assuming that your crush doesn’t date someone else. Take a risk and ask this person out. The worst that can happen is rejection, which isn’t the end of the world considering that they are not yours, to begin with.
Don’t feel bad or inadequate if they’re not interested. That’s okay; it’s a big world out there. After all, you wouldn’t want to be with someone who isn’t interested in you.
Your significant other is undoubtedly out there longing for you. Sure, it might be hard to think about someone else right now, but all you have to do is take the first step – let go of this person, cleanse your heart, and make room for new emotions. Here’s how you can start to let them behind.
Stop Obsessing Over It
Obsessing over it and dreaming of things that might have been is alluring when your love is unrequited. Yet, daydreaming won’t get you anywhere. It is unlikely that your crush will suddenly figure out that you’re the love of their life.
So, the first thing to do when you want to get over someone you never dated is to stop dreaming. Knock yourself out with a healthy dose of reality, even if it hurts.
Stop checking in on them and stop their access to you. Keeping track of where and with whom this person hangs out or obsessing over a reaction they might (or might not) have to your last uploaded photo will only harm you.
Checking in on them will keep you from focusing on yourself and could lead to missed opportunities. Letting them check on you at their convenience can mess up your feelings and give you false hope. It might hurt right now, but the best thing to do is to cut them loose.
Ask Yourself What You Like About This Person
We’ve all been there; we’ve all had a crush or liked someone who didn’t like us back. But when you’re so invested that it hurts, you have to stop and ask yourself why. The human brain is a complicated thing that can make us stay in unfulfilling relationships because of our self-sabotaging beliefs.
Do you like them because they are the spitting image of your ideal partner, and you can’t live with the thought that they don’t like you back? Are you frustrated that they rejected you? Do you feel lonely and long for a romantic partner?
As soon as you have the answer, you can start taking steps toward resolving your issue. If you’ve fallen for them because they are your ideal partner, give yourself permission to look for someone else with similar qualities. Is it frustration? Learn how to deal with rejection. Is it loneliness? Learn how to be happy alone; otherwise, it’s unlikely you’ll ever find true happiness in a romantic relationship.
Stop Playing Couple
Things tend to get complicated when the one that you like but have never dated is your friend. Perhaps you like the same things, and you even go out to grab drinks every now and then. Whenever you’re together, you can’t seem to stop flirting with each other, and when you’re not together, you keep staying connected via texts and social media. Yet, they have made it clear that they don’t want to be in a relationship with you.
This has got to stop. If they aren’t interested in you, why give them permission to make any sort of claims?
Stop flirting, stop sending them texts, and stop responding to their calls or texts. You don’t have to end the friendship – even though it will be harder to get over them – but you have to stop making yourself available. Treat your crush in the same way as you’d treat any of your other friends and, most importantly, set up limits.
Think About What You Really Want
When have a crush on someone why doesn’t feel the same way and the thing makes you feel sad and lonely, it is hard to recognize the blessing in disguise. Take advantage of being single and think about what you really want. Do you really want to lose time waiting for something that isn’t supposed to be?
If possible, take a break and go somewhere nice. Use the time to get to know who you truly are as a person and figure out what you really want in a partner. Keep in mind – if they’re not interested, it is your responsibility to start walking away.
Let Yourself Be Sad
One of the hardest things to do when “breaking up” with someone who was never yours is grieving the relationship that could have been. You may believe that you don’t have the right to feel sad. Perhaps you don’t even know how to bring up the issue and discuss your feelings with your friends.
The truth is, you don’t have to be embarrassed about your feelings. You have every right to be sad or upset.
You have fallen in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. That’s the essence of it. You should feel free to discuss it with your friends, your siblings, and even with your therapist. If you’re the type who would rant about a real breakup, rant about this almost breakup too.
Once you’ve given yourself permission to feel whatever emotions you are feeling, those emotions will lose their charge eventually, bringing you closer to emotional freedom.
Find Happiness Elsewhere
In all honesty, moving on from someone you never dated is going to hurt. It could even hurt more than getting over a real breakup. Yet, you have to find happiness elsewhere.
Allow yourself a few days of withdrawal, then get out there. Pick up a new hobby, join a course, pamper yourself with a nice vacation, or go on a shopping spree if that’s your thing. Just avoid the places that remind you of them.
The sooner you’ll be able to find happiness and fulfillment from new sources the sooner you’ll be able to disconnect yourself emotionally from this person.
Focus On Yourself
While avoidance is not helpful in terms of healing, keeping your mind busy is a mere trick to lessen your pain until you move on.
One great way to do this is by focusing on yourself and your personal growth. Instead of investing your energy in crushing over someone who doesn’t want you, focus it on your profession. Building a career will not only keep you busy, but it can also make you feel empowered and give you confidence.
Give Yourself Permission to Get Back Out There
Finally, remember that even if this person isn’t interested in you, so many people will be. There are billions of people in this world, and you can find love in the most unexpected way.
I know there is nothing more frustrating than hearing the old cliché “there is plenty of fish in the sea” when you’re trying to get over someone. Still, it is true. Don’t let pain and rejection prevent you from going after what you want.
Put yourself back on the dating market. Things don’t have to go further than a coffee or two, but meeting other people will make you ready to embrace true love as soon as you find it.
Down to You
Getting over someone you never dated can be confusing, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. Your feelings are as valid as someone who’s going through a real breakup, and you shouldn’t let anyone minimize them or make you feel bad if you need support. But just like in a real breakup, it is important to decide to really move on. Dealing with unrequited love is frustrating, but at the bottom of your heart, you surely know that you deserve better.