Have you ever found yourself being busy doing things for others, instead of sparing time for yourself? Have you ever not finished your work just because somebody else needed you to help them with their? Or have you repeatedly gone to restaurants where you did not wish to go, only because your friend wished to? If yes, then there is a big possibility that you are the “nice” person, but are letting people take advantage of your “niceness”. There is a thin line between loving yourself and loving others. Ever wondered why you have faced problems like these? It is possible that you are a people-pleaser or maybe you lack self-esteem. But, on a sub-conscious level, do you want to be strong enough to take your stand?
Here are few ways you can prevent people from walking all over you:
Say “No” when you want to.
You don’t need to waste your hard-earned money to buy gifts for your girlfriend on a regular basis. You must say “no” when you have to. If your girl loves you, she wouldn’t want to over spend your money nor she will breakup if you did not get her a diamond necklace for her dog’s birthday. You get that, right? You don’t need a girlfriend just because she needs your money. Have some self-respect and find a partner who understands you and connects with you on a deeper level.
Other times, people demand too much of your time, the time which is valuable to you and you have other priorities as well. You must manage your time and act accordingly. If you can’t find the time, it is okay to reject the plans, but yes, not all the time, unless you want to lose your social circle.
Be an equal.
It is hard to have relationships where you play an equal role. You must evaluate if you are playing an equal part in your friendships. You shouldn’t be the one who makes plans to hang out every time, not should you be the one who is helping your friend while they never bother to be there for you. It is only said, that what you give, comes back to you, but hey, not all the time. You need to draw a line when this is not happening with people around you. You need to enjoy things equally and you deserve to check how the new restaurant is, even if your friend doesn’t want to.
Communicate what you want.
Well, people are not mind readers. If you don’t want to do something they ask you, you must tell them about it. They might not force you and would respect your choice. It might seem hard at first (as you don’t like disappointing anyone) but it needs to be done so that you could spend time the way you want. It isn’t necessary that you always need the approval of people around you.
Stop being a people-pleaser.
You don’t need to please people all the time. What does it get you? It is impossible that everyone would like who you are. If you try to be on a positive side of everyone, you might drive yourself crazy. You would end up agreeing to do things which you did not want at the first place. There are some who could move mountains to get the approval of people around them. And in no time, you will lose sense of who you are as a person and would also lose your self-esteem. Plus, when someone tells you that you are selfish, you would end up pondering over it and end up believing that it’s true.
You need the art of being mentally strong.
It is easy to let others dominate your opinions but it’s tough to hold your ground and stand up for yourself. It would only happen if you are mentally strong and capable of living your life on your own terms. If you give away your power over yourself, you might end up affecting your relationships and career negatively. Take full responsibility of your decisions and this won’t make you feel that you lack control on your life.