This must be clear: it is important to learn to say no, otherwise we could lose control of our lives. We could fill ourselves with rage for not doing what we really want. It is necessary at times to know to set limits and not give in to manipulation and various emotional blackmail.
The issue in question, i.e. assertiveness, refers to the ability to have the self-confidence to say no whenever necessary.
This is not being egoistic who ignores the needs of others. It is about to find a balance between two equally bad ends: the always say yes and always say no.
The rights of others are as important as our own. So, we must try to be assertive and set when we must deny ourselves and at which times we have to say yes and accept the request of others.
It is about to know to defend your rights, without intent to hurt or harm anyone.
Consequences of not knowing how to say NO
*Feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem.
*Interpersonal problems for not making clear what you really want. This confuses the people around you, who do not know your true feelings and desires and do not know well what to do.
*Emotional distress: it is common to experience high levels of anxiety, sadness, and irritability.
*Feeling of emotional loneliness you feel that no one understands you
*Angry outbursts: you can “blow up” for something that really is not a problem due to the prior accumulation of unrest that has failed to express.
*Feeling of dissatisfaction, since you think that you never do what you want.
*Self-reproach and guilt for not being able to express your wishes.
*Others abuse you: people resort to you too much because “they tend” to know that you will always be there.
How to learn to say NO
Here are some tips for you to learn to say no and to be able to refuse to do anything that you do not want:
*Lose the fear of what others might think. Within reasonable limits, you’re the first person who must be satisfied with your behavior.
*Accepts anxiety as part of the process. It is normal to get nervous or feel uncomfortable when you say no. But, do not succumb to this discomfort by saying yes, and trying to take the problem off much earlier because then you will only defer an undesirable situation, but not to resolve.
*In relation to the above, remember the negative consequences that can lead you to accept, and certainly will not be offset by the momentary emotional relief you will experience if you accept.
*Stand in front of the mirror and train assertive communication style. Think of everyday situations where you have to say no, and watch your nonverbal communication mentally, also listening to your verbal language. It sounds convincing?
*Make a hierarchy of those situations. Classify them to analyze from those in which the harder it is to deny what they ask, to those where it costs less to say no. Start from today to make it clear to others all you do not want to do.
*Say no without giving much explanation; and this way you will offer fewer arguments to those who want to convince you otherwise.
*Internalize this idea: “You may not do or be what you want, but you always have the option not to do or be what you do not want”. Put it into practice every time you face a situation where you do not want to do what you propose.
When do you need to say NO?
Well, this is a relative question and depends on the situation we are going through at that time. Also, depends on the stage and also of the protagonists.
Well, the formula is simple and consists of the following: Develop a sincere enough to say NO character. If that, what they are offering to you, does not have a true sense of convenience to your needs.
Finally, if we want to live an authentic life, we should do what is for our highest good, even if it means to say no and to disappoint others. Every time you say yes to something you do not have 100% sense, it means to say no to an opportunity and missed it. Thus, for each NO to speak, opens space for something better.