When consumed with a feeling of hate towards a family member, specific pointers help to ascertain that fact. To hate is to have extreme resentment or displeasure towards someone, something, or an idea. This definition will lead us to discuss how you can recognize that you feel hatred towards a particular person(s), What you can do to resolve this issue and ways to avert such from happening in the nearest future.
What does it mean to hate someone?
According to Robert Sternberg, Hatred consists of three main aspects, which are:
- Choosing to lower the value placed on something that was once valuable.
- Display of emotions such as rage, malice, or terror.
- Deciding to hold back where you used to be free and maintain a close, cordial relationship.
In essence, hate means to have a very negative and hostile feeling against someone. Hatred for someone can sometimes lead to you displaying violent behaviors towards the recipient. Such violent behaviors usually stem from your desire to see the other party suffer or get destroyed, sometimes in extreme cases.
Hatred in the family context
Sometimes, hatred refers to the perception you have about how someone made you feel or how you made yourself think after relating with someone, in this case, your family member. As much as hatred can come from your interaction with others, it has a high impact on your temperament, identity, and general view about things.
Another thing to note is that hatred for a family member usually has a reason backing it up. When you hear kids say something like, ‘I hate Mummy or Daddy.’ No matter their age, especially if they are from homes considered stable and full of love. Some of their reasons may include:
Rebellious response to parents’ instructions
Rebellion usually plays out in the teenage years when children feel the need to push their limits. It is a developmental stage that will surely pass just like the preteen age. However, the way the parents handle this stage can make or mar the cordial relationship that used to exist. Even if this perception eventually changes over the years, there will be friction for a particular period before the children finally realize their parents’ love.
Different belief systems and habits
This sort of problem happens when children raised with a specific belief system change and decide to go on another path. Parents, in turn, mandate their children to continue on that path without respecting their views. When these children give a negative response, parents react in ways that can cause a strain in their relationship with them. This difference may not usually cause a permanent break out as long as they all sit down to discuss the issue.
The need to have a level of independence
It is usually difficult for parents to realize how grown their children have become; hence, they still enforce specific rules. This struggle with parents typically causes many complications in the parent-child relationship and can only be solved by effective communication.
Having established causes of hatred in a home where there is a form of stability, It is pertinent to discuss hate in a toxic family. This toxicity is not limited to only the extended family; it can also happen in a nuclear one comprising just the parents and the children
When it comes to family, hatred can be of high or low severity. It can also be brief or persistent. Whichever type it is, you need to get to the bottom of that feeling and thrash it out. When you feel intense disgust and resentment by the mere sight or voice of a particular person, then there are more potent underlying factors responsible for it. Some of these reasons may include:
A case of abandonment
Some people grew up learning how their parents abandoned them at birth or at a very tender age. Making them not have any knowledge of whom their birth parents are. Others know their parents, but one of them left either through a divorce or just disappearing from their lives.
Some families set high expectations and standards for their members, thereby causing undue pressure. These, in turn, leave a trail of adults who are not confident in themselves and only have failures to show for all their efforts. So, when they realize this and can point at a particular person who made them feel that way, they feel resentment towards such a person, leading to hatred.
Some people are victims of abuse. They have been treated inappropriately and unfairly while growing up. This sort of abuse in the family context can mean many things such as rape, child abuse, physical or verbal assaults, etc.
Having known the root cause of hating a family member, you need pointers to realize your hate towards someone.
How do you know that you hate someone?
Reliving past experiences
The notion of meeting up with some family members may cause you to feel sad or gloomy. You may realize that you don’t always want to relive your past experiences with such people, especially in the case of sexual abuse or any other form of abuse. This negative feeling is a solid pointer to you having a deep hatred for such a person.
A feeling of Self-Hate
Sometimes, your past experiences with certain people leave you with a form of regret and hate for yourself. You wished that you had the power to stop some things that happened to you before then. Sometimes you blame yourself, and you feel responsible for the way the other party made you think.
How to handle hatred and become a better person
Hate is like a poison that can wreak havoc in your relationships with people. It is a powerful feeling that slowly creeps up into you and eventually makes you lose your identity. To deal with hatred, you need to take specific steps to address this burning desire to hurt yourself and others, your family member. Below are some steps you can take to help you manage this situation leaving you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.
Learn to forgive yourself
To forgive yourself mainly helps you address the fact that you hate yourself. It may seem challenging to do, but an easy place to start is acknowledging that it is a choice you will like to make. You have to be deliberate about choosing to love yourself. Choosing to love yourself, in this case, means you have to forgive.
Learn to forgive the other party
An easy step that you can take to forgive the other party is to acknowledge that this person has hurt you openly. Look at yourself in the mirror and say it out aloud. You cannot begin your process of healing until you do this.
Accept the reality
Another step to healing is to accept that the deed has already been done and cannot be changed. Accept that even though the person behaved that way, you do not have to be like him or her. It would help if you decided to be a better person by accepting your past as being unchangeable.
Know when to talk to people about it
Sometimes, the only option is deciding to talk to a professional about your feelings. The skilled person will not be judgmental about the issue, and he or she will bring an unbiased opinion into the matter compared to when you talk to a member of the family.
Sometimes, having a genuine heart-to-heart discussion usually helps in a parent-child relationship, especially if it’s a non-toxic kind of relationship. An effective way to handle this discussion is by realizing how much you love your parents and looking past the fights.
How to ensure that you won’t continue hating
Now that you have learned ways to get rid of past hurts, you need to know how you will ensure that this does not happen again. Some suggestions are:
Recognize possible causes
When you can understand what usually brings about feelings of hate for a particular family member, you will learn how to meet and have discussions with such a person.
Set limits to your privacy
Being cautious of the kind of discussions you want to have with people, the type of events you wish to attend, and if possible, excuse yourself when it looks like you can’t help the situation. You have a right to keep your life private if you want, even though some discussions can be made public.
When you find yourself having wandering thoughts about a feeling of hate, try to distract yourself by listening to music or doing something else you love.
It is normal to occasionally hate your family members because it is not unusual to disagree with them. Another essential thing to look out for is to not lose your identity by holding on to hate. Make a conscious effort today by reaching out to a professional to help you. You need to find a lasting solution, and You have to live a good and healthy life.