Falling in love makes a beautiful experience, especially when you adore your partner so much. Whenever you are together, there is usually an adrenaline rush through you because they make you feel alive. But sometimes you notice that you wish to end your relationship.
You may think you are being bipolar. No, there is something that defines these blended feelings of hatred and love for your partner. It is referred to as a love-hate relationship.
What Is A Love-Hate Relationship?
A love-hate relationship is simply a phenomenon that describes someone having to shift between deep emotions of hatred and love for their partner. It can also be described as a relationship whereby partners that love each other deeply, still find it hard to express their feelings. So, sometimes, they play love or they play war.
Such a couple will say unkind words to each other but don’t in any way mean them. And sometimes, they may find it hard to be faithful to each other. But what makes it funny is that both parties feel reluctant to take the first step to put an end to the relationship.
Every couple has arguments and sometimes fights. And many couples break up and never come back together. But a couple in a love-hate relationship remains inseparable even after issuing break-up threats to each other.
Apart from these fluctuating emotional feelings, some tell-tale signs can tell you if you’re in a love-hate relationship.
10 Signs You Are In A Love-Hate Relationship
Are you still unsure about whether you are in a love-hate relationship? Look out for these specific signs to help you deduce correctly.
1. Your Partner Sometimes Makes You Very Happy
Feeling happy about someone generally is what defines a love relationship. But feeling extremely happy about your partner’s good qualities can be a bit tad worrying. This is because love-hate relationships dwell on intense feelings of emotion.
2. Yet Sometimes They Make You Very Mad
This is where a love-hate relationship differs from a healthy relationship. Understandably, your partner’s attitude could make you angry. But when the feeling of anger comes too often. Then you are in a love-hate relationship. Since these feelings are unstable, their negative traits can certainly make you go mental.
3. Your Relationship Can Be Likened To A Faulty Bulb Light
It goes on, then it goes off. You break up today, then makeup tomorrow. Your arguments are deep and intense. During such altercations, there are abuses and break-up threats.
But later on, there is a shift in equilibrium so you guys make up again. It could even look as if you weren’t on each other’s necks hours ago. This can be mentally exhausting as neither of you understands your positions in that relationship. Not only this, when insecurity creeps in, guilt sets into your hearts. Yet, neither of you takes the step to end the emotional torture.
4. You Feel The Need To Change Your Partner
Most couples in a love-hate relationship feel the need to change their partner’s behavior. Of course, everyone has their good and bad sides. So when you feel that you need to change who your partner is to suit your choice or vice versa, then that’s a bad sign.
The truth is sometimes this feat is impossible to achieve. Yet, those in a love-hate relationship want to achieve this so much that they stay put even with the roller-coaster emotions that come with that kind of relationship. Other times, couples in a love-hate relationship stay put because they’ve stayed in the relationship for years, that it then feels difficult to leave regardless of the wavering love.
5. Your Relationship Has No Vision
There is no clear-cut vision, no understanding, and no support. Still, you and your partner remain in your fluctuating love and hate situation. And with the frequent break and makeups, you both find it hard to know what you are getting from each other.
6. You and Your Partner Do Not Connect Emotionally
You’re in a love-hate relationship when you find it difficult to overlook your partner’s flaws, even when they have wonderful qualities that should be appreciated. This leads to a lack of emotional connectivity between both of you. In order words, you are not able to establish an understanding with your lover because you wish they are always perfect with no issues.
When they display their ‘bad’ traits, your emotional bearing becomes hate. So, if you feel this way towards your lover, you are definitely in a love-hate relationship.
7. You And Your Partner Have Emotional Insecurities
With no mental and emotional understanding, there are bound to be unnecessary arguments and fights. And emotional insecurities become a norm in your relationship. This is probably because both of you bottle up your emotions till it explodes on yourselves.
In general, you find it hard to address issues when they present themselves. Rather you guys argue about it or keep it stored up, and waiting till it gets worse.
8. Their Behaviors Are Always Worrying To You
Since you find it hard to overlook your partner’s flaws, their traits that you dislike becomes thinking baggage to you. There may be severe things they do that you dislike, but they fail to listen to you when you try to talk to them. This can build anger and frustration which can, in turn, lead to confusion on whether you should focus on their good traits or end things with them for good.
9. You Complain About Them A Lot
While together, you rarely talk at length with each other. Your love language might be having sex, most especially used to settle your differences. But when you’re with others, you talk about them a lot. You complain, call them names, and discuss how you hate who they are or how they treat you.
Your family and friends might ask you to leave the relationship. But of course, you never listen. Instead, you complain and never take action. And that is a sure sign of a love-hate relationship.
10. You Are Not Free To Be Yourself In Your Relationship
You find it hard to express yourself or to treat yourself lovingly without being reminded of your flaws. Which are the opposite signs of the healthy relationship that both of you deserve.
With no freedom and half-felt feelings for each other, you are scared of what your partner might do next. And since your strong emotions can waiver at odd moments, you try to treat your relationship like an egg. You see good in them but the bad keeps overshadowing it. And above all, leaving them remains constantly on your mind but you never take any actions.
You may have noticed the above-mentioned signs in your relationship. And if you’ve been waving them off, now you know better. So, how can you fix this?
How To Fix A Love-hate relationship.
Can you fix a love-hate relationship? Yes, you can. Below are five ways to do so:
1. Know Your Stand
A love-hate relationship is different from an abusive one which usually involves domestic violence. In that scenario, do not bother to think about your stand in the relationship. Leave!.
But for a love-hate situation, you and your partner need to realize your needs and wants. And while doing that, keep an open mind and also, put what your partner feels into consideration. If both of you think that you should end it for good, then try to respect each other’s resolve.
2. Look Out For Damaging Emotions
After an argument or a fight, try to figure out what caused it. It could be anger or differences issues or any other reason. This will help you to think twice about those argument-causing actions and words and their consequences.
Remember that having no control over your reactions, will make your emotions unstabilized, thereby negatively affecting your relationship. So take your time, study yourselves, and rethink matters before acting.
3. Focus On Your Partner’s Positive Attitudes.
The truth is that no relationship is perfect. We all have flaws, this is what makes us humans. If you find that hard to accept, you will always have problems with your lover.
If you change your focus from its negatives to positives, you will see reasons for your love to grow and to be happy with them. This may not apply if you have a narcissistic partner, but with the right focus and partner, you and your partner will succeed.
4. Try To Be Together More Often
For people who always have fights and arguments, this can be a challenge. But try to cultivate a renewed friendship with your lover. Go out on dates, cook together and do things that bring happiness to you both. Arguments and fights are normal for couples, but quickly settling these issues with an open mind and discussions. This will make your relationship grow stronger.
5. Let Go Of Unnecessary Traits
Things such as pride, ego, insecurity, and perfection are reasons why couples end up in a love-hate relationship. If you have any of these traits, let them go. Do not let them become bigger than your love for your partner.
Being in a love-hate relationship is annoying and frustrating. It feels like an unending loop of varying emotions, but with the right help and tips -like the above-mentioned ones, you can form a healthy friendship with your partner.
Never be in a haste to throw your love away. As far as your relationship is not an abusive one and you don’t have compatibility problems, you shouldn’t give up on it. Try to fix your love-hate relationship till you finally succeed in cancelling out hate from the equation.