We are all manipulators in some way. We could say that in a certain way we are all subject to “manipulate” our reality when we have no other choice. However, when we manipulate or we want to change something to our benefit, we also try not to affect the others intentionally and consciously.
On the contrary, there are individuals who manipulate their environment in an irresponsible way. For benefits that do affect third parties, and we have to know the profile of these people well, in order not to fall into their games.
As much as we want to be happy, life has unexpected turns and can cross in the middle of the road, with unscrupulous people who see their neighbor as a thing, an object, resource or a commodity.
This type of individuals are known as “manipulators”. They are characterized by their tendency to obtain from others a selfish benefit. By using various methods among which are counted as more frequent illusion, pressure, and deception.
Those who manipulate constantly do so for several reasons. The most outstanding are comfort, self-assertion, and fear. Those who seek a short way, who refuse to pay the price of success, choose to lie, promise, bribe, blackmail or make all sorts of tricks to quickly get what they want.
They violate the rules and skip the proceedings with amazing ease. You will know that this is so for them when you hear them say: “Don’t enroll yourself”, “No one will know”, “This is faster”, “Don’t give yourself bad for that”, “Others have also done it” or “Don’t be so right”. In their language, the pragmatism that it leaves out as something insignificant to the pre-established principles or agreements are revealed.
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In what way do they manipulate?
The manipulator lies with amazing ease. If you are an expert, you will see in your communication habits that it twists reality even in seemingly insignificant circumstances. If you are next to someone who receives a call and in your presence says that you are with another person or somewhere else, you have a potential manipulator nearby.
Listen to them and you will see that they lie to the innkeeper, the parking lot, the secretaries and anyone to achieve their goals. If you tell them something about it, they may smile at you, pat your back sympathetically and give you an excuse or speak badly about the person you just deceived.
They hide things
The most skilled manipulators will hide personal information. In the case of scammers, you will not know how to find or locate them. As they operate as ghosts that confuse and postpone everything that would betray them.
Paradoxically, they will endeavor to know everything about you. They scrutinize in your life to know where you live, what you do, with whom you live and an endless amount of details. The best will find out indirectly or place the subject for you to confess without realizing it.
Flatter is something that a true manipulator does very well. By experience and study, you know how to find the point of pride that makes you feel special and stops to plant there until you gain your absolute confidence. Don’t be easily carried away by the flattering, as few people give unselfish recognition. Be on guard against this sudden spill of honey, as it may blind you.
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The propitiation, the compulsive endeavor to do favors, is a crown of thorns that the trained phonies place on the heads of their plucked victims. The manipulator knows that we all want leadership. That we like being looked after and that power drives us crazy. That’s why he uses his secret weapon to please us.
They manipulate with emotions
Sometimes the resource of manipulation is purely emotional. People handler is aware that the intense emotions drive us to act often without the support of reason. That is why he uses guilt and fear to pressure certain acts that are convenient for him. Blaming someone is a common strategy of those who don’t assume their responsibilities.
Expressions like “Look what you did”, “Why didn’t you call me”, “I wouldn’t have treated you like that”… reveal an emotional blackmail. The bottom line is “You should have done what I wanted.” “Don’t do that” or “You’re going to go wrong,” is a way of saying that the best thing is what the manipulator says.
Working in the shade and using others for their purposes may be part of the style of some manipulators, as the manipulator is not an adult and therefore is neither transparent nor honest nor responsible. They are fishermen who know how to profit from “scrambled rivers”.
How to deal with a manipulator
The first thing to do is to become aware of the manipulation. There are rights that are inviolable. Rights that cannot be transferred. These rights are the following:
That someone treat you with respect.
Setting your own priorities.
A right to express your opinion and how you feel.
To defend yourself physically or emotionally.
And to say “no” without feeling guilty.
If you feel that your rights are being undermined, try to consider that you may be the victim of a manipulator.
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Keep safety distance
Keep your distance emotionally. It is like when driving and keeping a safe distance to avoid bumping with another vehicle and save an accident. Don’t let anyone invade your space or approach their spider web and to catch you. No one can hurt you without your consent.
Take your time
Don’t respond to their demands immediately, you should think first. The manipulators, frequently, put pressure on their victims. In that way so that they don’t delay in the moment of acceding to their demands.
Don’t hesitate in your convictions and stand firm in your affirmations. The manipulators have skills in interpreting your non-verbal communication. If you have doubts, the manipulators will notice that and will put more pressure to make finally give in.
In conclusion, if you run into a person who acts like this you need to unmask it. If possible, you should try to help that individuals to be aware that their behavior negatively affects others. And above all, themselves. In any case, don’t hesitate. Use all these tools you now know, to avoid being a victim of manipulation.