The modern definition of a relationship has evolved to be of two incomplete people coming together completing each other, helping each other heal and grow as the relationship evolves. It is all about giving and take, but if you are coming into the relationship with high expectations this makes the bond selfish and is the biggest cause of conflict, stress, depression, and tension surrounding the relationship.
Paula Quinsee, a South African relationship expert, speaker and an author of Embracing conflict had a rough childhood. She was seven years old when she lost her mother in an airplane accident and 13 years old when she was sexually abused. Her childhood, which forms the basis of the life ahead, was woven with threads of pain and hardship.
These nightmare episodes of her childhood were one of the main reasons why an adult Paula was unable to have meaningful and healthy relationships. The scars of those episodes were still oozing pain. But in spite of it all, she didn’t become a bitter person. She kept moving forward, working on her self-healing which she was able to share with others, becoming an indomitable force.
Paula today is working with numerous individuals and organizations, helping them with their personal development and boosting their growth journey. She ignites the spark of positivity and mindfulness in a person which helps them create a balance between their own selves and their surroundings and encourages them to be a better version of themselves both in their personal and professional sphere.
Paula is one of the rare relationship experts who doesn’t shun away from conflict and actually encourages it for she believes that is where the seeds of growth lie. She had an amazing corporate journey for 16 years but her real passion was helping people evolve.
According to her one of the main culprits of dissatisfaction in modern relationships is technology. From clothes to food and finding love with a mere right or left swipe, Internet has spoiled relationships with its distraction and instant gratification. The sad truth is that we spend more time holding our devices rather than our partners.
Communication which is an integral part of any relationship has been changed altogether by technology. Almost 85 percent of our conversations are non-verbal and 7% verbal. While some may argue that words remain the same, key components like body language, tone, emotions, facial expressions cannot be replaced by the emojis, as much as we try. Like everything else, balance is the key when it comes to using technology. Instead of worrying about taking the perfect picture for Instagram, put your phone aside and enjoy sharing the special moments, making memories. Remember technology takes away physical connection while real human interaction nourishes it.
Paula encourages her clients to devote as much time as they can to the relationships that actually matter to them. Your loved ones are actually going to understand you better and stand by your side and not your fictional followers. Talk to your parents, play with your children, laugh with your friends, and be present for your partner, for they are the ones who are most deserving of your time and love.
It’s important to note that if you don’t make time for a relationship, then over time you will not have a relationship, they will slowly but surely die.
When it comes to social media and your relationship, her advice is: If you have to hide your social media interactions from your partner then you shouldn’t be doing it.
Paula advises her clients to put their behavior into perspective by sharing a simple but effective benchmark-
She says,” in South Africa, the Sunday newspaper is called the Sunday Times. Would you be ok if the way you are behaving on social media appears on the front page of the Sunday Times, to be viewed by the glaring eyes of the public?” If the answer is yes, then go ahead but if it’s not then don’t do it as you may well regret it the next morning.
Liked hearing her? Follow Paula Quinsee on Instagram.