Having friends in adulthood can be difficult for many people. Understanding the new “rules of the game” in relation to friendships made in childhood and adolescence is the first step. Understanding what issues can make it difficult to make new friends is the following. Do you have trouble having friends? So, keep reading…
The first reason why it costs to have friends is that it takes work to maintain friendships over time. Meeting people can already be a complicated issue for some people as they get older. But one thing is known as “friendship” and another very different is to have friends.
Another reason is that making friends in adulthood is much more difficult than in adolescence. Many of those relationships that we had as “friendships” are uncovered and we discovered that there was no true friendship. So many people reach adulthood and realize they don’t have friends, although many years to have this type of relationship.
Reasons that hinder friendship
People who feel they don’t have many friends should consider the possible reasons why this happens. To begin with, we must bear in mind that the rules of the game change over the years. People evolve, create their life around their work and their family and go through different experiences. All this influences their relationships with others.
Sometimes, it costs to have friends because our work or family obligations absorb us. In other cases, it is because we become very demanding or because we shut up ourselves so much so that we believe that we cannot have another friendship similar to those created in childhood or adolescence.
In addition, when we are children and adolescents, we follow a pattern of behavior dictated by the environment, doing what we think we should do. But, with the passage of time, we understand things differently and many situations that we previously accepted as valid cease to be so.
In this sense, there are certain types of issues and attitudes that make it very difficult to make friends and maintain friendship relationships that refer; above all, the character and way of being of each one. Ask yourself the following questions to discover the reasons that may be making it difficult for you to have friends.
Do you complain a lot?
Are you one of those people who is constantly complaining about their work, the lack of money or the injustice and rudeness of life? People don’t like to waste their time with negative and pessimistic people. Try to develop a more positive attitude and look for more interesting topics to discuss instead of always talking about your problems and how bad the world is.
Are you selfish?
Friendship involves giving and receiving. Sometimes it is necessary to give more than what is received. This includes listening, giving in and sharing, both materially and spiritually. But if you are only willing to receive the balance, it becomes unbalanced. Keep in mind that being selfish is a bad attitude and nobody will want to be your friend if you only think about yourself.
Do you care about people?
Another reason why it costs to have friends is that if you don’t care about what happens in the lives of the people around you, it is very difficult for you to build and maintain any friendship. If you want to make friends you should start by showing genuine interest in them.
Are you dramatizing? Do you cause problems?
If you are a problematic person and dramatize excessively or you are causing problems you will find that people don’t show interest in what happens to you, in fact, that you try to disappear. If you like to do things to irritate others, you don’t know how to keep secrets, criticize or seek to blame others, it is very difficult for people to feel interested in entering into any kind of relationship with you.
Do you keep track of the damage that others do to you?
Friendship is a type of relationship that involves forgiveness. But if you are one of those people who keep track of the insults and prejudices of others, you are implying that you feel like the center of the universe and that you consider everything to revolve around you. This way you cannot maintain or initiate any kind of relationship, much less a friendship relationship.
Are you gossip?
Gossiping gives a very bad image of people. It may be fun at first, but when you hear someone speak badly about other people, tell personal things or laugh at their shortcomings and problems you cannot help but think: will you talk badly about me too?
Are you bossy? Do you listen to others? Do you respect the limits?
Being bossy will not help you have friends either. It is one thing to have initiative and wanting to help and a very different thing to organize the situation or speak “ex-cathedra”, telling everyone what to do.
To listen and not going too far are always good ideas to make friends. Going smart, skipping the limits of respect and acting as if everyone had to do what you say is not the most advisable if you want to build healthy relationships.
And what about you? Still having trouble making new friends?