One of the greatest challenges we ever face in life is finding the right partner for us. Often dating presents us with a series of dramatic highs and lows. Online dating apps we’re calling you out here. As we slowly learn what we need and want from our other half, all too often just when we feel we have finally found that perfect match, bam!
The universe speaks, the timing is just all wrong.
During these pandemic times, this happens more and more often. As a writer abroad I am surrounded by individuals that must now choose to leave happy and healthy relationships behind. I have spent time speaking with these unlucky lovers to find some key insights and advice for those facing similar hurdles.
The reason that the timing can be off could be geographical, biological or even career-based. Maybe you met someone when you have no choice but to travel to the other side of the world. Perhaps your partner needs to follow their career dreams.
Whatever the reason there’s no doubt that this is a massive bummer at an exciting time in your life.
This is not an uncommon problem that people face, and it presents a very important choice for us all. Do we muster our inner hippy and live in the moment? Or do we run for the hills, protecting our heart from further pain?
There are many valid reasons for both paths. Often we have already experienced heartbreak in our lives and we are not eager to dive into that tear-soaked ice cream tub again.
Relationships are difficult and being heartbroken affects many different aspects of our day to day life.
Some prefer to avoid this issue altogether by making logical and analytical decisions. Wrong time? Wrong person. If there’s no future they will cut this new love interest in the bud to save themselves all of the emotional baggage and pain that comes with this issue.
We have to consider that if it’s the wrong time then maybe things were never meant to work out in the first place.
While the more romantically inclined of us might be put off by such logical, non-emotional decision making, looking after yourself needs to be a top priority. Erring on the side of caution when it comes to breaking your heart into pieces is far from a bad call.
Preventing this drama from entering your life allows you to put your mental health, lifestyle and career first. A crucial boundary for many of us.
On the other hand, we must consider if this time with the perfect match is in fact a gift from a rather twisted but generous cupid. It’s not often that we form a true connection with someone else. This is rare and valuable.
At a time of lockdowns, isolation and tik-tok dances perhaps we are due a little hope and happiness.
When you meet someone who is truly right for you it can feel impossible to turn your back on that.
Meeting an ideal partner can be a hugely valuable learning experience. It can show us what we actually love and need in our relationships. Perhaps a reliable partner that puts you first is a little sexier than an impulsive yet destructive leather-clad individual. Not that we’re talking specifics here.
Often, even when things don’t work out, it can be incredibly helpful to have a healthy template for what a relationship should look like. We reap the benefits of being treated how we should be, providing us with useful guidelines for our future.
This can of course be very difficult to see at the time so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be delighted that the timing is off.
Another key benefit to falling in love is that it provides a host of positive benefits for our minds and bodies. It has been found that connecting with another can help us live longer, have beautiful skin and even fight the disease off more effectively!
Now, let’s talk D-day. Unfortunately ‘D’ stands for departure in this case. As amazing as the connection may be unfortunately we will eventually arrive at the time to part ways. This is a highly painful and difficult time for anyone so it is vital to take care of yourself.
Taking time to focus on what you do have is a key step in handling the reality of your situation. While it may seem impossible at the moment, there will come a day that you can accept the ending of this amazing experience.
There seems to be no quick fix here but over time you will heal and you will one day look back on these positive memories with a smile.
Many find that time with friends and talking through the experience can be a huge help on those teary Tuesdays.
There is of course another difficult yet viable option for all you lovebirds out there. Some couples take the brave leap to accept bad timing and still dedicate themselves to their partner. Whether this involves a long distant relationship or reconnecting with your partner at a better time this is definitely a card you can play.
In 2015 it was found that 14 million people are in long-distance relationships! What’s more, there was some promising news in 2018 when a study found that 60% of long-distance relationships last the distance.
The key here is to trust your gut. Often we know exactly what we want to and can do. If you feel more comfortable focusing on yourself and accepting letting go of your sweetheart then trust this. Or perhaps you are a romantic to the core and are willing to do the work no matter what.
We can never judge ourselves for the choices we make when in love. The hard truth is that often there is no wrong or right answer. There are just the decisions we make and how we move forward with them.
The most important thing is that we are kind to each other as we try to figure it all out during these challenging times.