Although it’s good to be nice and kind, sometimes it isn’t particularly profitable and good for you personally. People will appreciate your politeness or will abuse it, everything is very relative and depends on different types of people, but if you consider yourself to be a fine person who cannot say no, you may recognize yourself in the listed characteristics, which will encourage them to correct some things with themselves.
These are the eight most common features of ‘too fine’ people:
- You have difficulties telling ‘no’ to others, even when their demands are illogical.
- Often underestimated by others and people are taking you for granted.
- You feel ‘used up’ in business and love relationships.
- Accept to do ungrateful tasks from others, which they refuse to do by themselves.
- Often do what others say or want, even if you deeply feel something different.
- The kindness you give is often disrespected, but you continue to be courteous.
- You are afraid to be rejected if you don’t meet the needs of the others.
Often more worried about the others than about yourself.
If you have found a part of yourself in these personality traits, know that it is good. The world would be much nicer if there were more kind and nice people. But keep an eye on the boundaries of your commitment so as not to lose respect from others.
Here are some ways to how to stop being a nice guy, but without being a jerk:
Get to know your personal rights. The inner sense of control over your own life is one of the things that improves mental health, and this feeling comes from certain types of behavior: setting priorities, saying ‘no’ without feeling guilty, protecting against possible harm, choosing healthy relationships with people, getting what you paid for, creating life happiness.
It is not difficult to stop being “the kindest person in the world”. Acquire confidence in yourself, correct that behavior little by little and you will see that the world follows its course with greater benefit for your personal purposes.
Further Reading: Dear Boys,
Even if it sounds bad, your own interests should be a priority.
Sure, as long as you don’t affect third parties. If you act in accordance with what is important to you, the people around you will notice. You will see that they will stop asking for favors which they know well you cannot take care of them.
Kindness has a limit: learn to say “no”
Busy people often feel guilty for not having time to do many of the things they would like to do. And to feel better, they usually solve the problems of others or take responsibility for others.
Don’t let yourself be pressured or blackmailed. There are many people who take advantage of the kindness of others to achieve their purposes, without caring what others need. Find the balance by making the decision to do what someone else asks you to do for them.
Further Reading: How To Say No: Why And When You Should Say It
Stop pleasing people
Trying to please people all the time leaves you constantly open to be used. Don’t blame others for your decision to change. Don’t say “I had to do this for you!” Remember that you are deciding to change for yourself.
Some people may need a lot of time to adjust to your new self. Don’t apologize for being like you are, but be nice to them!
Don’t feel guilty or offer a thousand apologies
Are you one of those who feels guilty when putting your own interests to those of others? Do you usually offer a thousand apologies because you couldn’t do a favor to whomever you have done a thousand favors before? Try to think about yourself. If this time you couldn’t offer your help, it must be because you want to occupy your time on something important for you. And that cannot be bad.
Of course, being nice is not that bad. Moreover, we would need many more kind people in this world. Therefore, don’t think about changing your natural tendency to be a nice and attentive person. Simply, if it is your case, try to modify your inclination to underestimate yourself and put your own interests at risk.