Love is not a real emotion. It is a space in man and between two people that imply vulnerability, opening, rejection of control, and, above all, a picture of ourselves that we have devoted to life as a whole. If we have the courage, after the initial love of a partner, we are going to be in the right intimacy – and that is getting naked, even when we are afraid we will be rejected.
One of the basic motivations for which we are here is the need and the search for contact and love. This is more than obvious. What is not so obvious is the reason we need love. What is so valuable in love that without it everything loses its meaning?
Love, in essence, gives us access to unconditional freedom to be what we really are and to achieve our ultimate potentials. In the context of relationships, love opens our individual boundaries (or masks of ego) so that we can have direct contact with each other, unconditionally connect and grow together. We could say that this is the main purpose of life. The question is how to achieve it.
The tragedy of love and problem with others
Even in early childhood, most of us experienced a shock in the form of fear that we will not get what we need most – love. It drove us out of the track and disrupted the natural process of growing up and maturing in a capable, fearless and loving, capable individual. Rather than accept and give love unconditionally, we learned to hide and play games with each other. No wonder we have complicated relationships.
If others were aware of who we really are. If they would accept us unconditionally and allow us to be as we are, to give us full attention and faithfully reflect, without judgment, what is in us (including our true nature), then we would not have a problem. Everything would go smoothly, in full fulfillment of the purpose for which we are here. Since we are far from the desirable, we are dealing with problems, obstacles, resistance, dangers, pain, and suffering. It seems to be the only way we can learn and grow.
Further Reading: 10 Ways To Find Love And Be Loved As You Want
Traps of romance
Falling in love is like falling off a cliff into a bottomless abyss. And in that fall so much happens, so you even forget what your name is. If we ever feel like we don’t have to do anything to have what we want. If we ever believe it’s all wonderful and great, then it’s time to fall in love. Or if there is a lottery in which we blindly risk everything we have, then it is a romance – that is, blind love. Regardless of everything, only the experience is, truly, better than the best. But the breakup of sleep and awakening in real life is not expected of any of us.
As Narcissus was in love with the reflection of his face, or in himself, so we fall in love with the ideal image that we embody on the face of the beloved. Therefore, apart from not being able to see concrete, real-life side of “the other,” we cannot build relationships with real grounds. All we can is projection and fantasy about the other and the relationship. At the same time, we share this with the huge amount of sexual energy, enthusiasm, freshness and sweet emotions. That’s what belongs to us, and that’s real. But the relationship is illusory because it is based on an idea or a picture of a “perfect lover” through which we experience the ordinary one. And it belongs to the mind or virtual reality.
Further Reading: Love vs. Infatuation: 21 Tell-Tale Signs
But what does love look like with someone you love?
You have many types of people. And the most numerous are those who are still with whom they love because they love themselves in love. To be pampered looked after to them and therefore they don’t matter whether you see while you love. Mostly, the most affected have the most attention to life. Because they are always looking for and giving nothing and no matter how much to give them – it’s a bit.
Unconsciously, sometimes eyes say more than what we wanted because the eyes don’t lie. If someone truly loves you, you can see by the way in which he/she is looking at you. Kiss and touch come later. To feel someone first, it must warm you the sun out of those eyes you see. So someone’s eyes up, somebody likes it, and somebody’s grief is simply provided.
But let’s go back to physical love. If it is pure sex, after that, you feel only the relaxation like after a massage. But, if it is love, you feel something deeper and different. You need to pay attention, because, love is not that easy. It just sneaks and fell asleep next to you. And you have no idea how it happened to you.