The time is the best indicator of whether your love is the right one for you or not.
Much rarer are those who already know that this is the “right one.”
Everybody knows that first love never dies. When you first fall in love, you believed you would never fall for anyone else, but then came the second, then the third and so on… And then we remember again of the first love and our first relationship, but we no longer see him or her the same way we used to.
We are sorry that we have to disappoint you, but the first relationship almost never works. And here’s why:
First love is essential. Our first love defines us, and our perception of love.
Teenage love is emotionally intense, passionate and full of life. But we are not mature enough to differentiate between love and infatuation. What you call “love” may be an infatuation.
Love is mature, while infatuation is immaturity.
Butterflies in the stomach, constantly daydreaming, idealization and thinking about the person you love, the euphoria that accompanies all these intense feelings beautifully hides “the face” of the person we love.
We, in fact, do not really love that person, we only love the feeling of being in love.
Infatuation is a state of darkened consciousness, emotional and hormonal madness, which is why psychologists call it “immature love.” Infatuation is a kind of infantilism.
The period of “storms and blows”
If we consider that most people enter into the first relationship at a very young age, it is clear that there exists a certain lack of experience and abundance of naivety and ignorance.
The period of adolescence is actually the period of the search, which is why it is often called the period of storms and blows. This is the period of discovering who we are, which values it should gravitate, what we are interested in, what we want to become and so on. In a short, adolescence is a period where we shape our own identity, a clear sense of identity, as a precondition for a serious relationship.
This is the period of discovering who we are, our values, interests, and goals. In a short, adolescence is a period where we shape our own identity as a precondition for a serious relationship.
Further Reading: Why Relationship In Today’s World Barely Works?
Personal fairy tale
We grow and our views change. This can happen after we have spent some time in a relationship with someone. All of a sudden you realize that your partner with whom you have been in a relationship has completely different thoughts, interests, and views on life. What happened? You’ve grown up, you have revealed yourself.
Another problem is that the majority of adolescents experiencing a phenomenon that psychologists vividly call personal tale. Actually, this is a distortion of opinion – as teenagers, we see ourselves hugely important, and all that happens to us special and unique. It seems to us that our relationship is different from all the others, resistant to all the obstacles and problems, and ultimately the reality of everyday life.
It seems to us that our relationship is different from all the others, resistant to all the obstacles and problems, and ultimately the reality of everyday life.
The trap of idealizing
Some people naively compare their relationship with the first one, expecting to revive exactly the same emotion, with the same childlike intensity. Adults and healthy relationships do not rely solely on the passion and excitement, but on the basis of which many first love, unfortunately, do not have. They are flooded with intense, but really shallow and fleeting feelings.
Nevertheless, the first love always has an experiential potential to learn from them.
They are unquestionably one of the most important experiences in our lives and it’s important to think about them, but also not fall into the trap of idealizing the first kiss that may well distort the idea of how actually true love should look like.