Let’s be honest, jokes are supposed to make you laugh, right? Set up a punchline, twist your expectations, throw in a pun, maybe a talking animal. But anti-jokes? They don’t care about any of that. These are the rebel clowns of the comedy world—no timing, no wit, just brutally literal punchlines or bizarre, logic-defying randomness that skips the funny and dives straight into what just happened?
Anti-jokes flip traditional humor on its head. Instead of zingers, you get a monotone statement of fact. Instead of a clever twist, you get awkward truth or absolutely nothing. And somehow… it’s hilarious. They’re so bad, so dry, so incredibly unfunny—they become brilliant.
Perfect for those who laugh in deadpan, live for absurdity, or just want to confuse their friends into silence, this list of 100 anti-jokes will have you chuckling, eye-rolling, and questioning your own sense of humor.
So go ahead. Dive in. Just don’t expect a punchline.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it was going to the other side.
What did the farmer say after losing his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite, if you ignore biology.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Me. I exist independently of your expectations.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re extinct.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
“I have no idea. I don’t speak French.”
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He was hit by a bus.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
What did the plumber say to the singer?
Nothing. They don’t know each other.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You tell them their work is satisfactory, but ultimately replace them with a cheaper option.
Why did Timmy fall off the swing?
Because he had no arms.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Why did the math book look sad?
It had a lot of problems. Just like everyone else.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was standing in a field. Alone.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Let’s go ride bikes.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
“Dam.” Then it died.
A man walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and leaves.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
Why did the boy drop his sandwich on the floor?
Gravity.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a tree. It probably won’t work.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm. Or being crushed by a piano.
Two muffins are in an oven. One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.”
The other says nothing because muffins don’t talk.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nothing. Numbers are not sentient.
Why did the man throw his watch out the window?
Because it was broken and that’s how he deals with problems.
What did one hat say to the other?
Stay here. I’m going on ahead.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the muscles for it.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call it. It’s not coming.
What did the teacher say to the student?
“Please sit down.”
How do you know if someone’s a vegan?
They’ll tell you. But that’s not a joke. That’s just a trend.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
“Get in the car.”
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it’s extinct. Also, the P is silent.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Cheese. Ownership of cheese is a legal concept.
Why did the man stare at the orange juice container?
Because it said “concentrate” and he took it literally.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why don’t graveyards ever get overcrowded?
People are dying to get in.
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn’t. Numbers can’t feel fear.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
What do you get when you mix a rhetorical question and a joke?
…
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
To avoid using the doorbell.
How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
What happens when you eat aluminum foil?
You get metal poisoning. Seek help.
What’s the difference between a piano and a tuna?
You can’t tuna fish. Also, one is a musical instrument.
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
A horse walks into a bar.
Several patrons leave because they realize the horse doesn’t belong in a bar.
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine.
What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a red lake?
It gets wet.
What did one French fry say to the other?
Nothing. Fries can’t talk.
Why did the man build his house out of Lego?
Because he had a lot of Lego.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A newspaper. Or a penguin in a blender.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t feeling very peel.
Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
How do you stop a rhino from charging?
Take away its credit card.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
Why did the cow win an award?
Because it was outstanding in its field.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What did one wall say to the other?
Nothing. Walls are inanimate.
Why can’t Elsa hold a balloon?
Because she’ll let it go.
What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?
Nothing. He died on impact.
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because of ripening enzymes.
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive?
Someday my prints will come.
What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
Finding a mortgage bill.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a boogie in it.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
How do mountains stay warm in the winter?
Snowcaps.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They might crack up.
Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants.
What did the fork say to the knife?
Nothing. They’re utensils.
How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why don’t we ever see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
What’s green and sits in the corner?
A naughty frog.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a bad punchline?
This article.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have tiny ant-bodies.
What do clouds wear under their pants?
Thunderwear.
Why did the man open the window?
Because it was hot.
Why did the girl bring string to school?
She thought it would tie the class together.
What do you call a sleeping computer?
A snooze machine.
Why did the mirror get kicked out of school?
It couldn’t reflect on its actions.
Why don’t calendars ever get tired?
Because their days are numbered.
Why was the broom late?
It swept in.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backward?
A receding hare-line.
Why did the dad joke cross the road?
To get to the pun side.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
If you laughed at any of these, congratulations: your sense of humor is either broken or evolved beyond comprehension. These anti-jokes didn’t come here to entertain. They came to exist… quietly. Like a beige wall. And somehow, that’s comedy gold.
That’s it. No applause. No curtain. Just stop reading now.