200 Funny Dad Jokes That’ll Make You Laugh, Groan, and Roll Your Eyes

Dads are basically stand-up comedians with a captive audience and a zero-dollar budget. Their sense of humor? A delightful blend of puns, wordplay, and ridiculously obvious punchlines that somehow become funnier the more you groan. One minute they’re grilling burgers in sandals with socks, the next they’re saying, “Hi hungry, I’m Dad,” like it’s the first time anyone’s ever heard it.

Let’s face it—dad jokes are an art form. They’re the duct tape of comedy: surprisingly useful, occasionally cringey, and always found in your toolbox when you least expect them.

So grab your socks, sandals, and sense of humor—because we’re diving into 200 of the funniest, punniest, groaniest dad jokes ever. Whether you’re looking for a conversation starter or something to make your kids roll their eyes so hard they see their brains, you’ve come to the right place.

Classic Dad Joke Groaners

1. What do you call fake spaghetti?
   An impasta.
2. Want to hear a construction joke?
   Oh… never mind, I’m still working on it.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
   Because he was outstanding in his field.
4. What’s brown and sticky?
   A stick.
5. Why did the coffee file a police report?
   It got mugged.
6. I used to hate facial hair…
   But then it grew on me.
7. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
   A satisfactory.
8. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
   It’s impossible to put down.
9. What do you call a belt made of watches?
   A waist of time.
10. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.
11. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
    She looked surprised.
12. How do you organize a space party?
    You planet.
13. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
    They don’t have the guts.
14. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot.
15. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    It was two-tired.
16. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
    Because then it would be a foot.
17. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho cheese.
18. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
    Sofishticated.
19. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
    They’d crack each other up.
20. What do you call two birds in love?
    Tweethearts.
21. I’m afraid for the calendar.
    Its days are numbered.
22. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
    Because it was feeling crummy.
23. How do cows stay up to date?
    They read the moos-paper.
24. What did one wall say to the other?
    I’ll meet you at the corner.
25. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
    I don’t know y.

Foodie Funnies

26. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
    Because they’re shellfish.
27. What did the sushi say to the bee?
    Wasabi!
28. Why did the tomato blush?
    Because it saw the salad dressing.
29. Why did the mushroom go to the party?
    Because he was a fungi.
30. What do you call a hot dog on wheels?
    Fast food.
31. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
    The living room.
32. Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
    Because he was on a roll.
33. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
    Depresso.
34. Why don’t bananas ever feel lonely?
    Because they hang out in bunches.
35. How do you fix a broken pizza?
    With tomato paste.
36. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
    Where’s popcorn?
37. Why did the chicken go to the séance?
    To talk to the other side.
38. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
39. Why did the orange stop halfway across the road?
    It ran out of juice.
40. What happens when you eat aluminum foil?
    You sheet metal.
41. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
    He pasta way.
42. What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?
    A dino-snore.
43. What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
    Your teeth.
44. Why didn’t the lobster share?
    Because he was shellfish.
45. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
    Pork chop.
46. What did one plate say to the other?
    Lunch is on me.
47. Why don’t melons get married?
    Because they cantaloupe.
48. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door opened?
    Close the door, I’m dressing!
49. What do you call an angry carrot?
    A steamed veggie.
50. What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?
    An astronut.

Animal Antics

51. What do you call a pile of cats?
    A meowtain.
52. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
    Dam.
53. Why don’t elephants use computers?
    They’re afraid of the mouse.
54. What do you call a dog magician?
    A labracadabrador.
55. Why can’t you trust lions?
    Because they’re always lion.
56. How does a cow do math?
    With a cow-culator.
57. What kind of bird works at a construction site?
    A crane.
58. Why don’t crabs share?
    Because they’re shellfish.
59. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
    An investigator.
60. How do you count cows?
    With a cowculator.
61. What do you call a cold dog?
    A chili dog.
62. Why was the owl invited to the party?
    Because he was a hoot.
63. What kind of bug is in the FBI?
    A spy-der.
64. Why did the horse go behind the tree?
    To change his jockeys.
65. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
66. Why don’t ducks tell jokes when flying?
    Because they’d quack up.
67. What’s a cat’s favorite color?
    Purr-ple.
68. How do bees get to school?
    By school buzz.
69. Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don’t work.
70. What do frogs order at fast food restaurants?
    French flies.
71. Why do birds fly south for the winter?
    Because it’s too far to walk.
72. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
    Lost.
73. How do you catch a squirrel?
    Climb a tree and act like a nut.
74. Why did the cow win an award?
    Because he was outstanding in his field.
75. What kind of fish knows how to play the piano?
    A tuna.

Tech & Nerdy Jokes

76. Why did the computer go to therapy?
    It had too many bytes from its past.
77. Why was the smartphone acting so cold?
    It lost its sense of touch.
78. How does a computer get drunk?
    It takes screenshots.
79. Why don’t robots ever panic?
    Because they always keep their “coolants.”
80. Why did the computer cross the road?
    To get a byte to eat.
81. Why couldn’t the laptop take its hat off?
    Because it had a bad case of CAPS LOCK.
82. Why was the computer cold?
    It left its Windows open.
83. What did the iPhone say to the Wi-Fi?
    “We have a connection.”
84. What’s a programmer’s favorite hangout place?
    The Foo Bar.
85. What’s a computer’s least favorite food?
    Spam.
86. How does a robot pay for things?
    With cache.
87. What’s a computer geek’s favorite dance move?
    The algorithm shuffle.
88. Why did the IT guy quit his job?
    He didn’t get arrays.
89. Why did the gamer bring a broom to the match?
    To sweep the leaderboard.
90. What’s a tech support dad’s catchphrase?
    “Did you try turning it off and on again?”
91. How do you comfort a JavaScript bug?
    Console it.
92. What’s a ghost’s favorite keyboard key?
    The boo-tton.
93. Why did the cell phone get glasses?
    It lost its contacts.
94. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
    You rocket.
95. Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
    To get to the next slide.
96. What do you call 8 hobbits?
    A hobbyte.
97. What did the binary say to the hexadecimal?
    “You make no sense.”
98. What does a nerd bring to a barbecue?
    A byte to eat.
99. Why don’t aliens visit Earth?
    They read the reviews: only one star.
100. Why was the calendar always stressed?
     Its days were numbered.

Work & Office Zingers

101. Why did the employee bring string to work?
     To tie up loose ends.
102. I told my boss I needed a raise…
     He said I was too overqualified in asking.
103. Why did the stapler break up with the paper?
     It found someone more binding.
104. What’s an accountant’s favorite dessert?
     Pie charts.
105. How do you make a tissue dance at the office?
     Put a little spreadsheet in it.
106. Why did the intern bring a ladder to the meeting?
     He heard it was a high-level discussion.
107. What did the paperclip say to the magnet?
     “I’m attached to you.”
108. Why did the calendar get promoted?
     It had a lot of dates.
109. What’s a pencil’s favorite place to vacation?
     Pencil-vania.
110. How do you drown an office full of employees?
     Put everything in “reply all.”
111. Why did the manager break up with the printer?
     Too much paper jam drama.
112. What does the janitor say when he comes out of the closet?
     “Supplies!”
113. What do you call a nervous juggler in HR?
     A multi-tasker with anxiety.
114. How do you throw a party at work?
     You “spreadsheet” the word.
115. Why did the desk get promoted?
     It was always on top of things.
116. Why do coworkers never play cards together?
     Too many office cheats.
117. What’s a computer’s favorite boss?
     A task manager.
118. How does an office worker stay in shape?
     By jumping to conclusions.
119. Why are whiteboards so trustworthy?
     Because they’re remarkable.
120. What did the coffee say to the file cabinet?
     “You hold my work life together.”
121. Why don’t bosses ever panic?
     They delegate the anxiety.
122. Why did the spreadsheet apply for a raise?
     It had too many columns to support.
123. Why are meeting notes always so short?
     Because everyone just nods.
124. What did the job application say to the resume?
     “You complete me.”
125. Why did the clock get fired?
     It kept tocking back.

Dad Life Specials

126. I asked my dad if I’m adopted.
     He said, “Not yet, but I’m open to offers.”
127. My dad said I should embrace my mistakes…
     So I gave him a hug.
128. What’s a dad’s favorite instrument?
     The sigh-lophone.
129. Why did dad take a ruler to bed?
     To see how long he slept.
130. How do dads exercise?
     They do “diddly-squats.”
131. What does Dad call a flat tire?
     An “un-wheelievable situation.”
132. Why did Dad bring an extra sock to golf?
     In case he got a hole in one.
133. What’s a dad’s favorite type of humor?
     Pun-ishment.
134. How does a dad change a lightbulb?
     “Don’t worry, I’ll just hold it and the world will revolve around me.”
135. Why did dad get kicked out of the bakery?
     He was loafing around.
136. What’s Dad’s favorite type of music?
     Pop.
137. Why did Dad sit on the remote?
     Because he wanted to press “pause” on life.
138. How do you know Dad’s driving?
     All the windows are down and the AC’s off to “save gas.”
139. What’s a dad’s favorite sport?
     Whine tennis.
140. Why do dads never get lost?
     They’re always “just taking the scenic route.”
141. What’s Dad’s favorite bedtime story?
     The one where the kids fall asleep in five minutes.
142. What’s a dad’s dream vacation?
     A trip to the hardware store—alone.
143. Why do dads hate new jeans?
     Because they already broke in the old ones… 15 years ago.
144. Why do dads always wear white sneakers?
     Because it’s in the handbook.
145. What do dads call their toolboxes?
     “The vault of manliness.”
146. Why did Dad name his dog “Five Miles”?
     So he could say he walked five miles every day.
147. Why don’t dads tell secrets on the lawn?
     Because the grass has ears.
148. What do you call it when Dad makes pancakes?
     A flippin’ miracle.
149. What’s a dad’s favorite magic trick?
     Making leftovers disappear.
150. Why do dads always whistle while mowing the lawn?
     Because they finally get peace and quiet.

Cringeworthy Puns

151. I once got fired from a calendar factory…
     All I did was take a day off.
152. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…
     She gave me a hug.
153. I used to be a banker…
     But I lost interest.
154. I’m terrified of elevators…
     So I’m taking steps to avoid them.
155. I told a joke about a broken pencil…
     But it had no point.
156. I was going to make myself a belt out of watches…
     But then I realized it’d be a waist of time.
157. I used to play piano by ear…
     Now I use my hands.
158. I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid…
     But he says he can stop anytime.
159. I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats…
     Prophets are going through the roof.
160. I once swallowed a dictionary…
     It gave me thesaurus throat ever.
161. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer…
     I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
162. I got hit in the head with a can of soda…
     Luckily, it was a soft drink.
163. I went to buy camouflage pants…
     But I couldn’t find any.
164. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon…
     I’ll let you know.
165. I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift…
     But I couldn’t find a manual.
166. I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia…
     She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
167. I started a band called 999MB…
     We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
168. I broke my finger last week…
     On the other hand, I’m okay.
169. I got into a fight with a broken elevator…
     It was wrong on so many levels.
170. I told my suitcase no vacation this year…
     Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
171. I know a lot of jokes about retired people…
     But none of them work.
172. I used to be indecisive…
     Now I’m not so sure.
173. My math teacher called me average…
     How mean!
174. My dog used to chase people on a bike…
     It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
175. I’m reading a horror story in Braille…
     Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.

Rapid-Fire One-Liners

176. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
177. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo… so I had to put my foot down.
178. I used to run a dating service for chickens… but I was struggling to make hens meet.
179. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
180. I asked the dog, “What’s two minus two?” He said nothing.
181. Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
182. I broke up with my gym… we just weren’t working out.
183. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high… she looked surprised.
184. I gave all my dead batteries away… free of charge.
185. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me.
186. I went to a wedding for two antennas… the ceremony was okay, but the reception was amazing.
187. I tried to catch some fog yesterday… I mist.
188. I’m no good at math, but I know that “two wrongs” make “I’m sleeping on the couch.”
189. I once made a belt out of $100 bills… it was a waist of money.
190. I named my dog “Five Miles” so I can say I walk five miles every day.

Clean Roast-Style Dad Zingers

191. You think you’re smart? My back pain’s been around longer than your student loans.
192. You’re not lazy—you’re just energy-efficient.
193. You’re so full of potential… just like the garage I never finished.
194. You remind me of my favorite power tool—noisy, random, but somehow still useful.
195. You’re like a Wi-Fi signal—strong one minute, nonexistent the next.
196. You were born to stand out—mostly because of your fashion choices.
197. You’re the reason I check the thermostat 7 times a day.
198. You must be a magician—because every time I ask you to help, you disappear.
199. You’ve got a great future… if only you’d stop using your shirt as a napkin.
200. Remember: Dad jokes aren’t just jokes. They’re a lifestyle.