Ahoy, matey! Ready to sail the silly seas and laugh louder than a cannon blast? Whether you’re celebrating International Talk Like a Pirate Day, throwing a kids’ party, hosting a school event, or just love a good hearty “Arrr!”, these pirate jokes are perfect for landlubbers and sea dogs alike.
We’ve plundered the humor chest to bring you 80 clean, family-friendly pirate jokes packed with parrots, peg legs, treasure maps, and punny wordplay. So grab your eyepatch and hoist your giggles—because it’s time to set sail on the sea of silliness!
Kid-Friendly Pirate Jokes
- Why don’t pirates go to strip malls? Because they already have all the booty!
- What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing—it just waved.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school? Arrrrt class!
- How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg? An arm and a leg!
- What do you call a pirate who skips school? Captain Hooky!
- What do pirates eat for breakfast? Cap’n Crunch, of course!
- Why do pirates make terrible singers? Because they can’t hit the high C!
- What kind of grades do pirates get in school? High seas!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish? A swordfish—sharp and swashbucklin’!
- Why did the pirate sit on the toilet for hours? Because he had the runs… from cannonballs!
Pirate Life & Lingo
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s R, but their true love be the C!
- What do pirates say when they turn 80? Aye matey!
- How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
- What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie!
- What kind of phone does a pirate use? An iPatch!
- Why did the pirate go to therapy? Too much buried emotion!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank!
- What do pirates use to cook their meals? A barrrrrbecue!
- What do you call a shy pirate? A privateer.
- How do pirates get their news? From the buccaneer broadcast!
Treasure & Ship Jokes
- Why did the pirate cross the sea? To get to the other tide!
- Where do pirates keep their savings? In a sand bank!
- What did the pirate say when he found gold? Shiny, me hearties!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Rum and bass!
- What happened when the pirate couldn’t find his treasure map? He was lost at sea!
- Why don’t pirates share their treasure? Because they’re a little shellfish!
- Where do pirates park their ships? At the harrrrrbor!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite board game? Treasure-opoly!
- What do pirates call a big pile of gold? A booty-ful sight!
- Why did the ship go to school? To improve its “sails”!
- What do pirates wear on rainy days? Their “arrgh-yle” socks!
- What do pirates do after work? They hit the deck!
- Why do pirate ships never get lost? They follow the starrrs!
- What do pirates use to measure treasure? A golden rule!
- Why did the pirate throw his map away? He couldn’t “sea” the point!
Classic Arrr Jokes
- Arrr you ready to laugh? Aye aye, captain!
- What do you get when you cross a pirate and a ninja? An arrrrrr-tful assassin!
- How do pirates know they exist? They think, therefore they arrrr!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks—in the ship!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat? Arrrby’s!
- What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrrr-gyle!
- Why was the pirate so grumpy? He just had a rough voyage!
- What did the pirate say at his wedding? I arrrr-do!
- What do you call a pirate with a sense of humor? A jolly roger!
- What did the pirate say after a long day? Time to hit the hay and dream of the bay!
- What do pirates call their kids? Buccaneer babies!
- Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite Disney movie? Arrrrr-tangled!
- How do pirates throw a party? They raise the roof—then the anchor!
- Extra Booty: Even More Pirate Giggles
- What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food? Fish ‘n ships!
- What do pirates eat on movie night? Pop-arrrr-corn!
- Why did the pirate fail his driving test? He kept drifting to starboard!
- What do you call a pirate who loves math? A pi-rate!
- Why did the pirate refuse to learn the alphabet? Because he already knew “R”!
- What kind of car does a pirate drive? A Toy-YARR!
- Why don’t pirates take baths before walking the plank? They just wash up on shore.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of movie? Arrrrrr-rated!
- What do you call a pirate who loves poetry? Shakesbeard!
- What do pirates do on social media? They post “arrr-ticles”!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite mode of transportation? A schooner Uberrrr!
- Why don’t pirates use GPS? They prefer charted territory!
- What did the pirate say to the parrot? Stop repeating everything, Polly-tics!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite drink? Root beerrrrrr!
- What do pirates do when it snows? Shovel the deck!
- Why did the pirate get kicked out of the movie theater? He kept yelling “Arrr!” during the previews.
- What do pirates wear in the cold? Long john Silver!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite sport? Canoe-plankin’!
- How do pirates stay fit? Pilates of the Caribbean!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a computer? The C drive!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument? The guit-arrrr!
- Why did the pirate break up with his mermaid girlfriend? She was acting fishy!
- What do you call a pirate who tells dad jokes? A groan-away captain.
- What did the pirate say to his goldfish? Swim faster or we’ll walk the plank!
- Why did the pirate become a chef? He wanted to spice up his life!
- What do you call a pirate’s hairstyle? A dread-ship!
- What do pirates do on weekends? They go on treasure hunts… for snacks.
- Why do pirates love to party? Because they know how to have a shipload of fun!
- What does a pirate use to write letters? His hook—he ran out of pens!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite cereal? Loot Loops!
We hope these 80 pirate jokes brought you barrels of laughter and treasure chests full of giggles! Whether you’re celebrating Talk Like a Pirate Day, sailing through a birthday bash, or just want to crack up your crew, these jokes are sure to get even the grumpiest buccaneer laughing.
So go on, share the laughs, shout “ARRR!”, and keep the pirate puns rollin’ like waves on the high seas!